Through GLAAD, Tracy Morgan could still redeem himself

Posted on June 14, 2011 by Patrick Garvin

Yesterday, I blogged that I wanted to see Tracy Morgan and Joakim Noah visit drop-in centers and halfway houses for LGBT youth. Both men have recently apologized for having offended the LGBT community. Noah called a fan “fa****” and Morgan described what he’d do if he had a gay son. Noah was fined $50,000 and Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for a similar offense.

After paying that fine, Noah said, “I made a mistake, learn from it and move on. That’s about it.”

I mused that I wondered how much he could learn from paying a fine that doesn’t go to helping gay youth. I said I’d rather see him use his time and effort to make a human connection with the kids who have to leave their homes because their families cannot accept that they’re gay.

It seems Tracy Morgan will indeed do just that. He will team with GLAAD and meet with residents of New York’s Ali Forney Center, which provides housing and support to homeless LGBT youth and families who have lost children to anti-gay violence. Additionally, Morgan will travel to Nashville, where Morgan will apologize to the audience he offended.

In a statement through GLAAD, Morgan said:

“I know how bad bullying can hurt. I was bullied when I was a kid. I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I never want to use my comedy to hurt anyone… My family knew what it was like to feel different. My brother was disabled, and I lost my father to AIDS in 1987. My dad wasn’t gay but I also learned about homophobia then because of how people treated people who were sick with that.”

To me, this is what “it gets better” could and should look like. I don’t want Joakim Noah’s $50,000 or Kobe’s $100,000 if those are just symbolic fines. I’d rather have them see the power of their words.

You might say, “Pat, why are you harping on this?” Because I’ve heard strangers call me “fa****.” Because I’ve heard people say gay slurs “in the heat of the moment” when they were looking for a synonym for “asshole” or “idiot.” I know what it’s like to know that there are some places that are safer for me than others. And until Noah makes an effort to show that he knows this is wrong and hurtful, I can’t help but think he’s ashamed he got caught and not feeling guilty because he did something wrong. I guess that shouldn’t matter, but as someone who has been called a fa**** by strangers, I think I still strive for a world where someone is not calling me that because they think it’s wrong, rather than a world where someone would want to call me that but won’t because they’d get called out for it.

Another way to look at it: When Joakim Noah got mad at that fan and called him a slur, he called him “fa****.” Why? Because the guy was doing something stereotypically gay? No, because the guy was doing something he didn’t like. That’s it. But why “fa****” and not the N word or a word for a religious group? Because he knows those words are offensive and he probably knows people who fit in those minority groups.

I think until more people know people who are gay, gay slurs will seem acceptable to them to use in “the heat of the moment” in ways that the N word or other words are not acceptable.

Joakim Noah said he paid his fine and “that’s about it, let’s move on.” Tracy Morgan, on the other hand, is allowing this to transform him and he’s reacting with humility and graciousness. He made a mistake, but he’s not being cavalier in his response. That these guys made a mistake didn’t bother me as much as the flippant “let’s move on” response. That goes for Tim Hardaway, too, whose remarks were way worse than Joakim Noah’s. Sometimes the way you handle your mistake can be more offensive than the initial mistake.

But in the case of Tracy Morgan, the steps he’s taking show that he seems to know the gravity of his words. I hope that Tracy Morgan can eventually be viewed as a champion of gay rights who came to the cause after realizing his mistakes. That would mean a lot more to me than Joakim Noah paying a fine and trying to forget it and “move on.”

Celebrities might not remember each other’s bigoted rants, but we do

Posted on June 13, 2011 by Patrick Garvin

Tracy Morgan’s recent comedy routine about a hypothetically gay son has drawn critics to say he should be fired from “30 Rock.” Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls was fined $50,000 for calling a fan “Fa****” during a game. Both have since apologized.

At least once a year, some celebrity has to issue an apology for offending some group. I don’t care if these people think what they said was offensive, but how did they not think anyone else could be offended? Or that it wouldn’t get noticed? Do these people never see any news or gossip sites?

Let’s just run down a few of the big things in the last few years. Just a few:

October 2006: Isaiah Washington used “Fa****” on the set of “Grey’s Anatomy” during an argument with Patrick Dempsey. A few months later, he used the word in the backstage press room at the Golden Globes. Washington was later fired from the show.
November 2006: Actor-comedian Michael Richards went off on a fan in the crowd, using the N-word. He later apologized.
February 2007: Former basketball player Tim Hardway said, “I hate gay people, so I let it be known… I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States.” After people got upset, he apologized.
March 2007: Ann Coulter referred to John Edwards as a “fa****,” prompting criticism from politicians of both parties.
April 2007: Radio host Don Imus referred to the Rutgers University women’s basketball team, which had eight black players, as “nappy-headed hos.” Within a few weeks of that, CBS fired Imus.
October 2010: Juan Williams was fired from NPR after saying he gets nervous when he gets on planes with Muslims.
March 2011: Gilbert Gottfried was fired from Aflac after tweeting jokes about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.
April 2011: Kobe Bryant was fined after using a gay slur.

And these are just some of the recent occurrences in which celebrities caused outcries with slurs. The point is, there have been enough of them that other celebrities could look at them and say, “Gee, if I say this, people might get upset and I could be fired or at the very least, ostracized.”

But they don’t get it. And I’m not sure Joakim Noah or Tracy Morgan get why this was wrong. After Noah was fined $50,000, he said, “I made a mistake, learn from it and move on. That’s about it.”

But that’s not “about it,” Joakim. Think about Tyler Clementi, who was outed as gay on the Internet and subsequently jumped off the George Washington Bridge to his death. Or the other LGBT youth who were bullied and died by suicide. Or Matthew Shepard, who was beaten and left on a fence to die. Many of these celebrities will attribute their slip-ups to the “heat of the moment” or a “moment of frustration,” but for the rest of us, we don’t get to live in that vacuum. We have the context of knowing how deep and hurtful “fa****” can be, whether it’s heard at a club in Myrtle Beach or from a car in Jacksonville’s Riverside neighborhood. You get to apologize, pay and “move on,” but for the actual “faggots,” Joakim, we have to live with the reality of that word every day.

It would be a great tragedy if Joakim Noah and Tracy Morgan would just “move on” and try to forget these incidents. Apologies and fines are one thing, but I think both could benefit from spending time with groups that serve the LGBT community. There drop-in centers for LGBT youth with nowhere else to go. Tracy Morgan joked about the abuse he would dish out if his son were gay. To many kids at these centers, that joke is a harsh reality. When Morgan’s tirade is forgotten about and there’s a new controversy, these kids can’t forget it. If Morgan were to visit these places, he might not forget it, either. We’re telling a whole generation of gay youth that “it gets better,” but we need to hold ourselves and our celebrities accountable to make sure that it does get better.

Caring for LGBT community’s “greatest generation”

Posted on March 29, 2011 by Patrick Garvin

Alexandre Rheaume and Lawrence Johnson, "Gen Silent"

“If we are saying, ‘Come out and be filled with pride, then it’s our responsibility to make sure that continues right through their last day.'”

Last night, I saw a screening of “Gen Silent” at The Coolidge Corner Theatre in Brookline. The documentary, made by Missouri School of Journalism alumnus Stu Maddux, focuses on the challenges facing LGBT adults as they age. He followed six Boston-area adults as they navigated the care system and asked themselves, “Who’s going to take care of me when I can no longer take care of myself?”

For many of their straight counterparts, the answer has been easy: their children will care for them. It’s trickier for LGBT adults. Some of them don’t have kids and grandchildren to care for them. For others, their LGBT identity has alienated them from their families. The prospect of nursing homes can scare anyone, especially people from a generation when homosexuality was considered a mental illness worthy of shock therapy. I don’t enjoy going to doctors, but I can only imagine what it would be like if I had the experiences with doctors that these people had.

This documentary opened my eyes to many issues I had not yet considered. Some of the people interviewed mentioned cases where caregivers came into gay adults’ homes and tried to convert them. For many LGBT people, going back into the closet seemed like the best way to survive being in a nursing home.

This would be heart-breaking for anyone to hear, but especially when you consider what these people have done for us. After the screening, “Gen Silent” director Stu Maddux stood up and addressed the crowd, mainly filled with LGBT adults who were peers to the people featured in the film. “As a gay man who has stood on your shoulders, you are in my eyes ‘the greatest generation.’ I made this film as a tribute to you.”

Sheri Barden and Lois Johnson, "Gen Silent"

“We have a whole generation of people who don’t know who we are. That’s really sad, because you’re missing out on a lot. We know a lot. We did a lot for you. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for us.”

I had never used the term “the greatest generation” when referring to that generation of LGBT individuals, but Stu was right. These are the people who put their lives at risk and marched when there were few others with whom to march. These are the people who came out when it was still acceptable to send gay people to mental institutions. These are people who had to refer to their partners and lovers by code names of the opposite sex so as to not be found out. These are people who knew too many people who committed suicide because they’d rather be dead than go through what gays had to go through back then.

In the last six months, there have been a spate of “It Gets Better” videos. Well, it was because of these people that it ever got better in the first place. What the documentary painstakingly (and painfully) shows is that these people now need our help. If we don’t help them, who will? One of the caregivers featured in the film recalls how back in the 1980s, many gays banded together to help gays with AIDS. There were buddy networks and other programs designed to provide care for people who otherwise had no one to care for them. What this woman suggested in the film and again when talking with her after the film is that we now need that banding together again. We need people to reach out and ask what they can do to help these people who put their lives at risk for us.

Of course, as my friend Kye pointed out when we left the theatre, these people are not the only ones who need our help. Anyone who is navigating the care system — gay, straight, black, white, Cylon — could benefit from someone volunteering his or her time.

For more info on the LGBT Aging Project, go here.

In Case You Missed It: Chris Colfer, Dustin Lance Black

Posted on January 18, 2011 by Patrick Garvin

Even if you didn’t watch Sunday’s Golden Globes, you probably saw Chris Colfer’s acceptance speech via Facebook or Twitter. The speech reminded me of another speech by an openly gay award recipient.

In case you missed it, here’s what “Glee” star Chris Colfer said:

His anti-bullying message resonates painfully in the wake of the recent suicides. His speech made me think of the 2009 Oscar acceptance speech by Dustin Lance Black, who won for his screenplay for “Milk,” about the assassination of openly gay politician Harvey Milk.

Black said,

When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas to California and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life, it gave me the hope to one day live my life openly as who I am and that maybe even I could fall in love and one day get married.

I want to thank my mom who has always loved me for who I am, even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he’d want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches or by the government or by their families that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights, federally, across this great nation of ours. Thank you, thank you, and thank you God for giving us Harvey Milk.

Here’s the video of that speech:

In Case You Missed It: Steve Buckley’s coming-out party

Posted on January 10, 2011 by Patrick Garvin

Last week, Boston Herald sports columnist Steve Buckley wrote a touching column in which he announced he was gay. He tied his coming-out story to his mother, who initially discouraged him from annoucning his sexuality in his column, but who later encouraged him to write the column. She has since passed away, but Buckley said that he has had recent reasons to want to write the column.

He wrote:

I have read sobering stories about people who came undone, killing themselves after being outed. These tragic events helped guide me to the belief that if more people are able to be honest about who they are, ultimately fewer people will feel such devastating pressure.

It’s my hope that from now on I’ll be more involved. I’m not really sure what I mean by being “involved,” but this is a start: I’m gay.

As Newsday’s Neil Best pointed out, it the sports world more or less “shrugged,” though this is not to say there was no reaction. In a post for The Angle, Rob Anderson of The Boston Globe writes:

While the Herald has deleted some comments on Buckley’s coming-out column (presumably because they were offensive and/or antigay), there are still hundreds of positive notes. And on Twitter, where no one is moderating the comments, I can’t find even one negative reaction.

But there’s an even bigger announcement that has yet to come, Best says:

[T]here remains one barrier no one has yet been brave enough to cross: There has not been an active, male pro in a major American team sport to come out. That day surely is nearer than ever.

When that day happens, Buckley will be probably be pointed to as someone whose coming-out story allowed that to happen. Especially because Buckley’s been a journalist long enough to remember times when it might not have been wise to come out in the newsroom. Steve Almond wrote that Buckley’s announcement reminded him of a time when he worked with a transsexual in a newsroom that made jokes about her behind her back. Almond writes that the praise will continue for Buckley, but the Herald columnist will not be unscathed:

[T]he bottom line is that sports fans (and I count myself as one) are more homophobic than the population at large. In a sense, we have to be.

After all, we spend much of our lives watching the acrobatic heroics of other men — sweaty, outfitted in tight uniforms, sometimes even half-naked — and investing our sense of identity in their deeds.

This is the great unspoken truth of the modern sports industry: it’s predicated not only on allowing men to watch other men leap and grapple and pound into one another, but on making this voyeurism seem unassailably macho.

Thus, Almond says, sports fans might see Buckley “as a traitor to the fragile cause of American masculinity.” Hopefully, this won’t be the case.

Web Comic: The Stages of Coming Out

Posted on October 11, 2010 by Patrick Garvin

Today, Oct. 11th, is National Coming Out Day in the U.S. (It’s tomorrow, the 12th, in the United Kingdom). Rob Eichberg and Jean O’Leary, who began National Coming Out Day in 1988, encouraged all people, of all sexual orientations, to “take your next step” in living openly and powerfully.

A lot has happened since that first Coming Out Day. Many college campuses have pride groups that have made it a huge event. They offer support to people in all stages of coming out, and encourage those still in the beginning of the process by telling them that they are not alone.

In researching creating this web comic, I found several sources, some of which overlapped:

I stuck primarily with the top link, but did branch out a few times. I take no political stance with this, and any views you’ll find elsewhere on those sites are not mine.

So, without further ado, enjoy!

I discovered through research (and personal experience) that these stages can be experienced in this general order, but can be experienced multiple times and in different orders. Thus, I did not put them in a numbered order.

—-

The comic is in jest, but this stage can be painful. From EmptyClosets:

At the beginning of every person’s coming out process is a period where that person begins to question his or hers heterosexual identity. This typically happens when a person realizes that he/she is attracted to members of the same sex. They begin to ask themselves the question, “Am I really straight?” It takes some people years to answer that question, where others take less time. Most people are shocked and scared to think that they are not be straight and, therefore, many people deny that they might be lesbian, gay or bisexual. Some people never move on from this stage and live their lives as heterosexuals.

—-

Most of the resources agreed that this stage is marked by loneliness. More questions come: “Am I really gay? What would that mean? What does being gay look/feel like?”

—-

The individual begins to come to terms with who he or she is, but might not fully identify with a label, if at all.

—-

From Psychpage.com:

This stage entails feeling good about oneself, seeking out positive relationships with other gays or lesbians, and feeling satisfied and fulfilled.

—-

This. Is. Terrifying. But hopefully, it will be only because of your fears and not because of how people react. The reactions can span the spectrum from anger and disbelief to total acceptance. You might be surprised as to who is accepting and who is shocked.

From EmptyClosets:

If you feel that you are currently in this stage, do not feel obligated to come out to everyone yet. Take your time and think before you tell. Throughout your coming out process some people will take the news well and some will take it harshly. During the first few stages of coming out harsh reactions to your news will hurt worse than if you waited until later. Again, this site is just a set of general guidelines. It is important that you listen to your intuition and only do what feels comfortable to you. Play it safe, but be sure to find support somehow.

—-

With the sense of shame gone, the individual will approach what makes him or her different with a sense of pride. Some will be taken aback by this new sense of confidence in the individual and accuse him or her of being “militant.”

From EmptyClosets:

You will most likely be less shy about your sexuality… You will begin to feel more comfortable talking about your sexuality and will most likely come out to more of your friends. In this stage you will also begin to meet and become friends with other lesbians, gays and bisexuals. You will most likely begin to explore gay and lesbian culture by visiting bars, clubs and other hangouts.

In most of these later stages, the resources mention the continued importance of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people seeking comfort in others like them.

—-

From Psychology Today:

At this stage of integration, the “them and us” concept breaks down. Gays and lesbians begin to understand that not all heterosexuals are homophobes.

Although, that understanding can from in earlier stages.

After a while, you’ll think of yourself as being more than just LGBT. From About.com:

You might have a more holistic view of yourself and feel equally comfortable in straight and GLBT environments. Your identity is integrated with all aspects of yourself.

The process won’t completely end, as your life’s cast of characters is never static. From EmptyClosets:

In this stage, being lesbian, gay or bisexual becomes just another part of who you are. There will always be new people in your life that you will have to come out to, so in a sense the process of coming out never really ends. However, in this final stage coming out becomes less of an issue and more of a part of life.

These steps only scratch at some of the emotions and situations experienced when coming out. Each person does it differently, and in different orders. Most of these resources all say that there’s no “right way” to do it. So, if you’re beginning your process or further along in your “coming out” journey, these are just fluid guidelines.

Celebrities reaching out to LGBT youth

Posted on October 3, 2010 by Patrick Garvin

By now you’ve heard about 18-year-old Tyler Clementi, but just in case you haven’t, he was outed as gay on the Internet and subsequently jumped off the George Washington Bridge to his death.

A few weeks ago, I blogged about Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project. That was triggered by Billy Lucas’ suicide, which was one of a few in the last few weeks. Just this past week, even after the news of Clementi’s death, another gay youth’s suicide was reported.

Ellen DeGeneres felt moved enough to record a video about these events:

Her last line echoes the sentiments of Savage’s “It Gets Better” project:

“Things will get easier, people’s minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

Savage created “It Gets Better” for LGBT adults to create videos to let the youth know that no matter how shitty it might be now, “it gets better.” When I posted about it a few weeks ago, Dan and his husband Terry were the only ones to have posted a video. Now there are several videos. Take a look, as they are quite encouraging and representative of the richly diverse possibilities you can have as an LGBT adult. But, you need to be alive to see it.

Elsewhere on the Internet, I found this ad from the “Give A Damn” campaign:

The “Give A Damn” project has an impressive roster of celebrities — gay and straight — who are lending their name and time to this cause. From the website:

The Give a Damn Campaign is for everybody who cares about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality.

But, it’s especially for all you straight people out there! Whether you’re already an active supporter, want to show your support for the first time, or hadn’t given equality a lot of thought before and now want to learn more, we are here to help you get informed about the issues and get involved, at a pace that works for you.

You’ll find a lot of useful information throughout this site—information that’ll engage you, surprise you and move you. You will also find a bunch of ways to get involved and show your support and encourage your straight peers to show theirs as well.

For all you gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks—we need and want you here, too! Because this site is also for you. Not only will you learn new things that might surprise and interest you, you’ll also find a lot of useful tools and resources that will help you encourage the straight people in your life to give a damn.

And then, through my friend Greg, I found this PSA on behalf of the Trevor Project:

If you’re in Jacksonville, Fla., the Jacksonville Area Sexual Minority Youth Network can be reached at (904) 389-0089. Nationally, the Trevor Lifeline can be reached at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386), where youth can speak with a trained volunteer counselor.

I know firsthand how it can suck to be an LGBT youth, but it gets better, and we need you around to see it.

“It Gets Better”: Being A Gay Teenager

Posted on September 21, 2010 by Patrick Garvin

Sex columnist and gay icon Dan Savage has created a project to let LGBT teenagers know that while life may be difficult now, “it gets better.”

Savage started the “It Gets Better” project after 15-year-old Indiana teenager Billy Lucas hanged himself in his family’s barn after enduring bullying from his classmates. In the weeks since Billy’s death, Savage has written about the incident in his Slog, inspiring multiple comments.

One comment struck a chord with Savage: the commenter expressed regret at not being able to tell Billy that things get better for gays and lesbians after high school. Savage explained on his podcast how this inspired him and his husband to create a video. They wanted to share their stories of how they were able to experience happiness as openly gay adults, despite the bullying they received as kids. Their hope is that other gay and lesbian adults will upload similar videos so that LGBT youth can know that despite how tough things might be now, it gets better.

I hope more LGBT adults will post videos to the “It Gets Better” channel. I’ve always said that it’s incredibly helpful for people to be open and accepting so that others will feel less isolated. Dan and Terry endured some difficult things in high school, but they got through it, found each other and have great lives. Hell, even I was inspired by their stories, and I had a good high school experience and come from a very accepting family. I can only imagine how helpful this could be for someone whose high school experience and family sucked.

Side note: If you’re a longtime Dan Savage devotee and groupie (like me), then you’ll relish the opportunity to finally see Terry. I’ve read almost every Dan Savage book, so I feel like I know Terry, D.J., Judy and the rest of Dan’s family. Terry looks nothing like how I pictured him to look.

Anywho, check it out. It’s an interesting use of the Internet and a hopeful event in an otherwise sad story.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: “Gay” vs. “homosexual”

Posted on September 21, 2010 by Patrick Garvin

Between “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and Prop 8, there are lots of gay issues (and terms) in the news. These issues tend to be difficult for many media outlets to cover, as no one wants to offend anyone. Not the same-sex couple who traveled to Canada to get married. Not the fire-and-brimstone pastor who thinks all “homosexuals and sodomites are going to hell.” Not the average guy who might not “understand the lifestyle” but nevertheless says, “I love my dead gay son.”

In some cases, pastors and randoms are interviewed for stories in which they have no real stake. There could be a series of vignettes about same-sex couples who’ve been together 17 years and fought for benefits and survived illness after illness. And then, an awkward transition…. “While these couples want to get married, not everyone agrees. Just ask Joad Cressbeckler….” To be sure, not all of these are tacked on, but it makes me wonder: How did the media cover Loving vs. Virginia back in the 1960s? How cringe-worthy would that coverage appear if we looked at it now? How similar or different is it from how the media is covering these current civil rights issues concerning gays and lesbians?

Not only are the topics controversial, even the terms are hotly debated. A 2005 Gallup poll surveying moral attitudes placed onto the lives gay and lesbian Americans showed that “homosexual” has negative connotation to it compared to “gay”:

Proving the power of language in the debate, survey responses were nine to 10 percentage points higher when the term “gay and lesbian” was used instead of “homosexual.”

Earlier this year, a CBS News/ New York Times poll found that wording was key when asking whether Americans support allowing gays to serve in the military.

In its analysis of the 2005 poll, Daniel Gonzales Ex-Gay Watch pointed out the “right of any minority group to self-determine their own descriptive terminology.” It’s no longer acceptable for black people to be referred to as “negros,” Gonzales pointed out, so gays and lesbians should not be referred to as “homosexuals,” he argued.

For what it’s worth, here’s what’s in the GLAAD Media Reference Guide:

OFFENSIVE: “homosexual” (as a n. or adj.)
PREFERRED: “gay” (adj.); “gay man” or “lesbian” (n.)
Please use “lesbian” or “gay man” to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. Because of the clinical history of the word “homosexual,” it has been adopted by anti-gay extremists to suggest that lesbians and gay men are somehow diseased or psychologically/emotionally disordered – notions discredited by both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association in the 1970s.

And from the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association stylebook:

homosexual: As a noun, a person who is attracted to members of the same sex. As an adjective, of or relating to sexual and affectional attraction to a member of the same sex. Use only if “heterosexual” would be used in parallel constructions, such as in medical contexts. For other usages, see gay and lesbian.

Patrick Garvin: Blog

Tag Archives: lgbt