How designing for different web browsers is like throwing a dinner party

Designing web sites and interactives for different browsers is like planning a dinner party for widely different guests. None of whom has RSVPd. You don’t know who could show up, so you have to be prepared that they all could.

The most fickle is Internet Explorer, which is like that guy who was really popular in high school but hasn’t really done a whole lot since then. He invited himself to your party after hearing about it from someone else. He’s nice and well-intentioned, but planning for him is a pain in the ass.

Depending on the version, Internet Explorer can’t handle SVG, and when it can, it needs a lot of special help if you want to animate the SVG. This is the equivalent of a party guest who doesn’t always drink booze, but when he does, it’s Budweiser from a can and he’s hammered by the the third beer.

Beyond that, Internet Explorer can be finicky about aspects of CSS that other browsers can handle without any problem. Like break points in media queries. This is to say that this Budweiser-drinking party guest is also lactose-intolerant, but sometimes drinks milk anyway and then complains about it. He doesn’t eat red meat or chicken, but does eat turkey. He’s allergic to nuts, gluten, oats, soy, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, white onions, food products made in July, and pickles cut the long way. He can’t eat black beans because they give him horrible gas.

Some versions of Internet Explorer can’t even recognize borders applied in CSS, which is the equivalent of this party guest saying, “Bee tee dubs, I’m allergic to water.”

You can’t just uninvite him, either, because he’s still popular among many circles and you can’t risk the fallout that could come from cutting him off. His retired family members no longer work, but they could still show up and wreak havoc at your party.

He might not show up, but just in case he does, you want to have something he can have. Maybe a jar of gluten-free air.

Much more agreeable is Safari, your bubbly coworker in her mid-20s. Just as Safari shows up in every Mac product, this party guest shows up at every party you have, usually 10 minutes early. Safari handles CSS much better than IE, which is to say that you don’t have to worry about this guest not eating any of your tapas. I’ve noticed in some of my projects that CSS break points look a little rougher in Safari, which is to say that if you ask this party guest to pick up chips on the way, she might just get the store brand chips unless you specify the brand you want.

Where Safari can have issues is the css for animated SVGs. This can sometimes cause Safari to flip out, much in the same way that certain hard liquors will send your bubbly party guest into a blackout drunken stupor where you have to confiscate her phone so that she doesn’t keep texting the guy she met on Tinder.

Firefox is much more capable and reliable than Internet Explorer and probably Safari, but that doesn’t mean it’s not without its quirks. Firefox is that friend you invite to the party because you like him even though he can be kind of a snobby, pedantic smartass. Firefox can handle SVG with aplomb, but I’ve had to use an if/else statement to distinguish whether the user has Firefox, and thus whether to apply different JavaScript. This is like having to make a separate booze run because your contrarian friend insists on drinking a more expensive “specialty” vodka that you can only get at certain liquor stores. He uses terms like “craft cocktails,” and if that didn’t make you roll your eyes, his blog about craft cocktail trends as a symbol of populism in the west will shoot your eyeballs from your skull.

These criticisms so far stem from SVG, but there are more generic irritations with Firefox. There are times I’ve had to add “float:left” to the CSS because Firefox has pushed divs with a 100% width all the way to the right off the screen. This is a quirk that even IE didn’t have. This is the equivalent of asking your friend to pick up ice on the way to the party.

“Can you grab ice? The bodega by my house sells pink bags in seven and 20 pounds. We just need one seven-pound bag. Thanks!”

And then from the store, your friend calls and says, “I can’t find anything like what you’re talking about. All I see are light magenta bags of ice that weigh 6.95 pounds and 19.95 pounds. What should I do?”

“Right now, I wish an actual Firefox, like a fox made of fire, would come and eat your face, you pedantic nerf herder.”

In the grand scheme of things, having to add “float:left” or Firefox-specific JavaScript isn’t a deal-breaker. But those things can make designing web packages annoying, particularly because Firefox is so capable otherwise. This is why Firefox’s quirks can make it more annoying than IE. Internet Explorer, with its myriad food allergies and other quirks, is so demanding that you’ll never be lulled into thinking that you don’t have to attend to it. Firefox’s quirks feel like that party guest who throws a tantrum while the host administers CPR to Internet Explorer because he accidentally had water with an ice cube.

But the browser that gets you through this soirée is Google Chrome. Testing iterations of your responsive interactive graphic on Chrome is like having your BFF at your side for this chaotic gathering of misfit toys. Chrome gets you. Chrome knows you inside and out. And that’s not just because Chrome is synced with your Google accounts and thus literally knows everything about you.

Chrome will call you on the way to your dinner party and ask you if you need her to pick anything up at the store. Unlike the other guests, Chrome doesn’t need any more instruction than “ice” or “chips.” Chrome will get it for you and even get you a six-pack of your favorite beer, because Chrome could hear in your voice that you were a little stressed.

Chrome’s got your back.

Chrome can handle SVG with ease, whether it’s static, animated with SMIL, whatever. This is like having a BFF that’s not picky about beer, wine, or liquor. You could even have bottom shelf vodka that stings like rubbing alcohol and your bestie wouldn’t care.

“What y’all drinkin’ on?”
“Burnett’s.”
“Awesome. Gimme some.”

Now, only every once in a while, Chrome will stall on a page and give you an “Aw snap” fail page. But if you refresh it or try it in another tab, it’s dependable again. That’s the equivalent of calling your bestie and saying, “Hey, you wanna get drinks tonight?”

“I would, but it was a long day, I’m just getting home and I have to be up early tomorrow. But what are you up to tomorrow night? I’m gonna make a casserole and binge-watch the last few episodes of Scandal, drinking Olivia Pope-sized glasses of wine. Wanna join?”

“I’m totes there.”

There are certainly other guests beyond these four, but they aren’t as noticeable at the party. Opera is your friend’s friend who your friend invited at the last minute. You like this guy and think that if you lived in the same city, you’d hang out more. And there are certainly many more Linux web browsers out there. These could be the party guests who came because they were walking by your place, heard the music and knocked on your door. You didn’t prep for them, but they seem cool and you don’t mind if they come in for a bit.

As long as they don’t have weird food allergies.

This week in LGBTQ news, March 31-April 6

The Brendan Eich news was by the far the most-covered piece of LGBTQ news this past week, so to mention anything else before delving into that feels like saying, “Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?” So, here’s what happened:

Brendan Eich, Mozilla and OkCupid
Ten days after being appointed CEO of Mozilla, Brendan Eich resigned. On Monday, a week after Eich’s appointment, dating site OkCupid greeted Firefox users with a message asking that they switch browsers before visiting the site. In an interview published Tuesday on CNet, Brendan Eich said:

[W]ithout getting into my personal beliefs, which I separate from my Mozilla work — when people learned of the donation, they felt pain. I saw that in friends’ eyes, [friends] who are LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered]. I saw that in 2012. I am sorry for causing that pain.

By Wednesday, OkCupid had removed its message to Firefox users, but the next day, Eich resigned.

Hampton Catlin, a developer who couldn’t marry or start a business with his partner until the Supreme Court ruled last year that backers of Proposition 8 lacked standing, had blogged that he and his husband Michael would be pulling their product from the Mozilla Marketplace. After Eich’s resignation, Hampton Catlin wrote:

I met with Brendan and asked him to just apologize for the discrimination under the law that we faced. He can still keep his personal beliefs, but I wanted him to recognize that we faced real issues with immigration and say that he never intended to cause people problems.

It’s heartbreaking to us that he was unwilling to say even that.

We absolutely don’t believe that everyone who voted yes on Prop 8 is evil. In fact, we’re sure that most of them just didn’t understand the impact the law would have. That’s why so many people have changed their mind in 4 short years – because they saw the impact and pain that the law caused to friends and family members.

People think we were upset about his past vote. Instead we were more upset with his current and continued unwillingness to discuss the issue with empathy. Seriously, we assumed that he would reconsider his thoughts on the impact of the law (not his personal beliefs), issue an apology, and then he’d go on to be a great CEO.

The fact it ever went this far is really disturbing to us.

Friday, the National Organization for Marriage called for “Americans to remove the web browser Mozilla Firefox from their personal computers to protest the company forcing out its CEO over his support of Proposition 8.” NOM President Brian Brown said, “This is a McCarthyesque witch hunt that makes the term ‘thought police’ seem modest. We urge all consumers to remove Mozilla’s Firefox web browser from their computers as a sign of protest.”

For more context:
*Brendan Eich Steps Down As Mozilla CEO [The Mozilla Blog]
*OkCupid’s Firefox protest refreshingly innovative [The Boston Globe]
*Gay marriage, Mozilla’s Brendan Eich, and the role of a CEO [The Los Angeles Times]
*The Hounding of a Heretic [Andrew Sullivan, The Dish]
*Dear Andrew Sullivan, ‘Left-Liberal Intolerance’ Did Not Bring Down Mozilla’s CEO [Michelangelo Signorile, HuffPost Gay Voices]
*The New Gay Orthodoxy [Frank Bruni, The New York Times]
*Quinn: Brendan Eich, Mozilla’s former chief executive, needed to tell us more [San Jose Mercury News]

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In case you missed it, here are some of the OTHER biggest news pertaining to LGBTQ issues to come out of the last week:

Judge struck down part of Ohio gay marriage law
A federal judge said Friday that he will order Ohio to recognize out-of-state gay marriages. Judge Timothy Black made the announcement in federal court in Cincinnati following final arguments in a lawsuit that challenged the constitutionality of the marriage ban. He said he will issue the ruling on April 14. This would only pertain to marriages performed out-of-state, and would not force Ohio to perform same-sex marriages.

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Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act
Mississippi governor Phil Bryant signed the Mississippi Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which supporters said would protect religious freedoms but opponents thought could open the doors to discrimination against gays and lesbians. The bill has been compared to similar legislation that was passed in Arizona earlier this year before ultimately being vetoed by Governor Jan Brewer.

For more context:
*Melissa Harris-Perry’s letter to Phil Bryant about putting rights in God’s hands [MSNBC]

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Alabama representatives vote for US constitutional ban on gay marriage
The Alabama House of Representatives Wednesday approved a resolution calling for a convention to put a same-sex marriage ban in the US Constitution. Representative Patricia Todd, Alabama’s first openly gay legislator, said on the House floor, “I respect your opinion about the way I live my life and who I love, as I respect yours. I am appalled that this chamber would have resorted to something like this to make a point.”

The concept of an amendment to the US constitution to ban same-sex marriage is not new. Two days after the US Supreme Court issued its rulings on the Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8 in June 2013, Representative Tim Huelskamp of Kansas, along with 28 other Republican members of the House of Representatives, proposed the Marriage Protection Amendment, which would amend the US constitution to define marriage as between a man and woman only. In February 2004, President George W. Bush announced support for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

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Five years of gay marriage in Iowa
Thursday was the fifth anniversary of the day that Iowa’s Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in a unanimous decision that made Iowa the third state — and the first in the Midwest — to allow same-sex couples to wed.

For more context:
*2009 Iowa ruling seen as gay-marriage harbinger [USA Today, The Des Moines Register]
*Iowa gay marriage ruling a turning point for justices [USA Today, The Des Moines Register]
*Same-Sex Marriage in Iowa at Five Years: Is The Trend Towards Acceptance? [KCRG]

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Gay Boy Scout leader removed from troop
The Boy Scouts of America removed an openly gay troop leader in Seattle, saying he made an issue out of his sexual orientation. The organization told Geoff McGrath in a letter Monday it “has no choice” but to revoke his registration after he said he was gay while being profiled by NBC News. The BSA has allowed gay scouts to participate in the organization since Jan. 1 of this year.

For more context:
*‘Extremely Disappointing’: Scouts Boot Openly Gay Troop Leader [NBC News]