Let’s not mince words: Randy Savage’s “Macho Man” character was one of the craziest that ever appeared in the World Wrestling Federation. And this is an organization that churned out crazy by the boatload.

Not only did Savage epitomize the cult of masculinity in pro-wrestling, he celebrated it, cultivating a persona around “macho” and “manly” behavior. Or, a persona around what World Wrestling Federation writers of the 1980s assumed macho, manly behavior to be.

If you never saw any WWF segments in the late ’80s or early ’90s, then you have no context for how incoherent these guys could be in their interviews. Admittedly, today’s wrestlers will win no awards for their oratories, but they make “Macho Man” Randy Savage and The Ultimate Warrior look like Barack Obama and 2001-era Tony Blair. Hell, even Jodie Foster’s Nell was more coherent than some of the segments with Macho Man and The Warrior.

I first discovered the WWF when I was 9 years old and my friend Adrian showed some of the Saturday morning show. I was hooked. These guys wore flamboyant, neon colors and screamed at each other unintelligibly. In other words, these guys were my primer for 80% of American gay bars; I just didn’t know it at the time. I watched until I was 12 and my father told me that he was uncomfortable with me watching a “sport” where so many of the stars used steroids and drugs. (I’ve thanked my father for this, by the way).

So, if your father also prevented you from watching WWF, or you had too much class to watch it, then you probably didn’t get to see any of the defining moments of Randy Savage’s crazy “Macho Man” persona. Luckily, thanks to YouTube, these videos are available.

Without further adieu, I present the best of Macho Man’s ridiculous WWF/WCW moments. Rest in Peace, MegaPower.

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Miss Elizabeth’s decision

As a kid, I’m sure I earnestly watched this, thinking it was the stuff of sports legend. Now, I watch it and realize it was a soap opera for the guys who mocked their wives for watching “Dynasty” but were too insecure to admit they wanted to watch it, too.

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Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ cobra bites “Macho Man”

Savage was a good guy at this point, and Roberts was a bad guy, and their fighting and feuding had the same macho posturing that all the other wrestlers had in their feuds. Except Roberts had a cobra, which trumps the normal tough guy talk. Roberts lured Savage to the ring, beat the crap out of him, tied him in the ropes and then let his cobra bit him. According to Roberts’ “Pick Your Poison” DVD, the cobra bit a lot longer than he was supposed to bite. Also in that clip, Ted DiBiase is inexplicably shown talking about being bitten. But never mind the Million Dollar Man; this shows a cobra biting a dude in the ring. I’ve watched lots of hissy fights on “Melrose Place” and “Desperate Housewives,” and very few things have come close to being this awesome.

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Savage and Mean Gene Okerlund

There were other great interviews Macho Man did with Mean Gene Okerlud, but there are too many good quotes in this:

“My curiosity is killin’ me just like a cat would be killed! By the curiosity!”

“Your mustache is crooked!”

“Your beard is a little sideways!”

Every time this guy says “Yeaaaaaah,” I think of White Zombie’s “More Human Than Human.”

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“Be A Man, Hulk!”

The lyrics are priceless:

They call you Hollywood? Don’t make me laugh
Cuz your movies and your actin’ skills are both trash
Your movies straight to video, the box office can’t stand ya
While I got myself a feature role in “Spider-Man”

That feature role in “Spider-Man”?

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White-haired Randy Savage plays with his own action figure

Randy Savage plays with a special doll commemorating his outfit at Wrestlemania VII. Where he lost and was forced to retire. But he looked pretty anyway.

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Unfortunately, YouTube didn’t have my favorite ridiculous clip, in which Macho Man lost to the Ultimate Warrior and then was forced to retire. Sensational Sherri, Savage’s manager at the time, got upset and beat the crap out of him until Miss Elizabeth appeared in the crowd and then beat the hell out of Sherri. Macho Man then realized he’d been a jerk, and then proposed to Miss Elizabeth. They got married at Summer Slam later that year. It was ridiculous, and I loved it.

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